January 9, 2009

Faithful Friday Child Style

I had a little bit of a bumpy road growing to be the whole 28 that I am. There was many times that I didn't know if I would make it here but I have. So much happens this year, 10 year class reunion, 10 year marriage anniversary and so on. It has really got me thinking deep. So I thought that I would add my own addition. Faithful Fridays. I will tell of how my faith has gotten me through things that I did not know I would make it through.

Topic #1 Children

I have three beautiful children. Serenity 5, Triston 2 (3 in Feb), and Elijah 1. If you would had asked me 10 years ago if I would have three children at this time, I would have told that I would have four. I wanted lots of children. I am the oldest of four so I love a big family. Then the journey began. Me and Tim were married when I was 19 and him 22. We had been married for three years when I started to have big medical problems. I had actually had girl problems since Aunt Flow had come to visit. It was just always diagnosed as ovarian cyst. Of course I did not question anything. I did not know any better. So 10 years from then, the problem was getting worse. So I found a New Doctor. I saw him one time and he said that he thought I had endometriosis. The only way to diagnosis this is to have surgery. A week later I was having surgery. I was eat up with it. Good news was that they think they got it all but bad news was to follow.
When I went in for the follow up I was given two choices. We could treat the endometriosis with a medicine that would put me into a type of menopause or we could try to get pregnant. Pregnancy is known to fix the problem in most cases. If we were to take the medication we would have a very slim chance of getting pregnant. It was already slim because of the endometriosis. So with my discussion with family and with each other and of course prayer, we decided to try to get pregnant. We had been talking about it anyway so it wasn't that hard of a decision. We just wanted to be married for 5 years before kids.
We tried on our own for 6 months. No child. My doctor put me on fertilization drug that I only took when I was ovulating. We did that for 6 months at a low dose. No child. I was getting so discouraged. I was falling into a depression. Not only that, but the drugs were making me hormone crazy. I was so up and down all the time. I could not control my emotions. My doctor then upped to the high dose. We did that for 6 months. No child. We went in to discuss the next step with the doctor. He said lets try it one more month and then if we do not have any luck we will continue with injections. I was not ready for that. So Tim and I decided that if we did not get pregnant this time we would wait till we were older to do the injections. We needed a break from all the disappointment and I needed to give my body a break.
You don't hear to much about what this kind of rejection does to a woman. You are raised to believe what your roll is. To grow up, get married and have children to live on your legacy. When you are told you can not have children or if you are not able to produce children you feel like a failure. That you are not fulfilling your destiny. I felt so empty. I felt like I was letting my husband down. I had wanted children my whole life. I wanted Lots of children! How could this be happening to me? Doesn't God give us the desires of our heart? Why me? Then my mom told me of a dream that she had. She was standing on the porch of a white house and I was walking down the sidewalk holding hands with a dark haired little girl. I knew than that I would have a little girl with dark hair.

So then we were getting ready to go to a wedding in FL. I was having breast tenderness so I took a test. Sure enough I was pregnant! I was so excited and so was Tim. We got to tell the whole family while we were in FL. Then I started to spot. I did not know what was going on. I called my doctor but there was not anything I could do while out of town. When we got back home I took another test. Negative. We went to doctor and he did the blood test. Negative. I had took with me the positive home test and showed them to him. He said that you can not have a false positive so I was pregnant but he did not know what had happened. I miscarried. You think that this would have discouraged me, but it didn't. I was pregnant so that meant that I could be pregnant again.
The very next month I started to have a lot of the same symptoms. I was working in a doctors office so my fellow nurse friend just took my blood and we sent it off. POSITIVE!! It was positive! I was so excited. I could not wait to tell Tim but I was afraid to tell him and did not want to until I was a little further along. I did not want to put him through that again. But my big mouth friend asked me in front of him if I had something I wanted to tell him. So I did. He was excited but like me afraid to get to attached so soon into the game. We told our mothers. They were so thrilled and supportive. I had a terrible pregnancy. But that is a whole other blog. If you want to hear about it comment me.
To make a already long story shorter. Three years go by and we start talking about having another one. Boom! Like magic we get pregnant with Triston. No drugs. Just fun. ; ) Then on Triston's first birthday we found out we were pregnant with Eli. I think our little problem is fixed. Now I have a IUD. No more kids! I love them all in different ways because they are such different little people. Life with out them would not be life at all. They were worth all the trouble and everything else we had to go through and are going through. All because we refused to give up and never lost our faith in God that He would give us what was in our hearts.
God is so Faithful!
Oh yeah this is my dark haired little girl.

1 comment:

  1. I love how much you are opening up and sharing the deeper parts of yourself through blogging. I love your voice in your writing - it's as if you are sitting on the rocking chair in DonnaMomma's living room, sharing your heart.

    Love ya, Sis!!